


One-Winged Angel

by junxouji



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Closeted Character, Homophobia, M/M, Mild Smut, Purple Prose, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2018-11-30 09:53:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11461149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junxouji/pseuds/junxouji
Summary: Love ishelland Taeyong happens to be his glorious devil of circumstance.





	One-Winged Angel

**Author's Note:**

> There is no doubt that this is something that flowed so easily from me. I have been suffering writer's block for like a good year, perhaps? I honestly was not expecting to shit flowery angsty romance out of my fingertips so effortlessly. This is dedicated to Rei for being my never ceasing support for any and every idea that pops in my head. Of course, happy belated birthday to my little winged angel Taeyongie. That boy has really stolen my heart from right out of my weak heart. I hope you all enjoy!
> 
> You can find me on the following links. Feel free to send me prompts:
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/junxouji) | [ask.fm](https://ask.fm/junxouji)

_ You show me how to see.. _

_ That nothing is whole _

_ And nothing is  _ _ broken _

  
  
  
  


 

It’s a secret only he knows and it makes him feel  _ powerful _ .

 

The stuttering push of Taeyong’s hips back against his own in such a primal way leaves the slap of skin echoing in the small room of the shitty apartment. The soft and timid moans that crescendo their way down Jaehyun’s spine when he angles just right burns in his memory. Only he knows the way Taeyong melts at the kisses pressed against his nape fondly squeezing at Jaehyun’s thighs to push harder, to move faster, and to be so hot in him it burns. Only he gets to see Taeyong hyung this way - although only at night.

 

When day breaks he is alone in the bed and a soreness is spreading through his chest as the remnants of Taeyong lay about obvious as day. The sheets will need cleaning and he will discreetly have to return the phone charger the older male left behind in his rush. It just does not wash away the dissatisfaction of always waking up alone.

 

(It's a secret only he knows and it's  _ burdensome _ .)

 

After showering and removing the bed lenin he makes his way to the kitchen of the small apartment. Johnny, his roommate and best friend, is still probably fast asleep oblivious to the fact anyone had been over last night. Taeyong has a way of being like that -  _ invisible _ to anyone he didn’t want to see him. His breakfast is cereal and coffee as he slouches over recalling the pleading in Taeyong’s expressive dark eyes and the sultry way his mouth parted in silent moans.

 

His phone chimes next to him as he slides it unlocked to see the familiar message icon blinking rapidly:

 

**ty:** sorry i came over unannounced and uninvited last night. i am sure i am can be burdensome. how are you feeling this morning?

 

Taeyong is a good guy. He really is. He may not have all his priorities straight but Jaehyun is not one to look down at him. But there is no denying the bitterness forming in his heart from being the cherry headed heartthrob’s booty call. Yet he never finds it in him to turn away those prettily desperate eyes or sinfully seductive lips. Taeyong  _ likes _ him but he likes people thinking he is straight more which is their problem.

 

**jae:** you already know you’re welcome over whenever you want to come over. not just when you want to get laid.

 

He’s harsh and he knows it. Taeyong does not deserve it. His heart is so incredibly fragile and he knows he will upset the other male. But Jaehyun is hurting too. The only thing that seemed remotely compatible between them anymore was their bodies. Even among their friend group Taeyong did his best to avoid and seem politely distanced from him like they didn’t meet in the night many times a week.

 

Jaehyun knows intimate details about his hyung. He knows where he enjoys being touched, what will make him moan the loudest, and where every mole was that decorated his inner thighs. He knows the other is scared of what people might think of him and he does not want to disappoint anyone. He knows Taeyong does not want to hurt him but constantly does anyway. He knows Taeyong always tries to make it up to him but he cannot. Not when Jaehyun is a secret kept in the comfort of his bed.

 

**ty:** jaehyun, im sorry.

 

He doesn’t reply as he makes his way towards the door grabbing his things for class. Taeyong would be throwing rocks at his window or sending texts to him tonight eager to get back on his good side.

  
  
  


“You seem so sour today.” Doyoung comments as swings a lanky arm around Jaehyun, “It might not be the best timing but Mark wants me to inform you to not be late for soccer practice or he’s going to kick your balls inside out.”

 

Jaehyun rolls his eyes and brushes Doyoung off. “Let’s just get some coffee and head to class.” The local starbucks was just a few streets ahead right before they headed to the campus. Doyoung often joined him on the subway ride to campus since they both lived in same area of the city. Johnny rarely wakes up in time to not rush to morning classes. Jaehyun will pick him up a coffee too just in case.

 

Naturally, Jaehyun almost immediately spots  _ him _ when he walks in. He is the center of attention with his cherry pink hair styled and his bright eyes lighting up in conversation. Jaehyun ignores the jealous that bites at his ankles at how easily Taeyong can be comfortable around his friends but when it came to Jaehyun he was quick to shy away. They fucked regularly for christ’s sake. Taeyong could at least smile at him.

 

Jaehyun wants to turn around to go but Doyoung’s grip on his arm is tight. He  _ knows _ and has known for quite some time about Taeyong. He just put the pieces together himself and swore himself to secrecy because Taeyong did not want it spreading around campus.

 

Ten, Sicheng, and Hansol accompany Taeyong this morning. They’re all waiting for their orders to be called when Sicheng waves them over. The subtle step behind Hansol does not go unnoticed by Jaehyun when Taeyong’s smile stiffens some.

 

“Jaehyun needs his double shot to stay awake through lit.” Doyoung says with a tiny smile as his eyes narrow in on Taeyong. Doyoung is just being a good friend but Jaehyun knows Taeyong does not deserve the other’s resentment.

 

“It looks like he may need a little more than coffee to stay awake.” Hansol teases pointing out something on Jaehyun’s neck.

 

Jaehyun knows what it is before he even reaches for his neck. A purplish hickey at the collar of his shirt. Jaehyun only offers a sheepish smile purposely ignoring Taeyong’s knowing gaze. 

 

“Just a coffee will do.” Jaehyun says softly as he moves to pick up his drink when his name is called. “Well, I'll see you guys.” He manages as he turns with Doyoung to go.

 

“Jaehyun!” It's Taeyong, surprisingly. Seldom does he say much to him in public. Jaehyun turns to look at the other, curious of what he wants.

 

Despite resenting Taeyong he is very fond of the elder. The way his eyes flicker nervously, his tongue darts over his thin pink lips, and his hands curl around the sleeves of his sweater. It reminds Jaehyun of the weight of the other’s phone charger in his bag. 

 

“I  _ j _ -just wanted to remind you we had a study date this afternoon. I'll see you then?” Taeyong asks even though it's bullshit Jaehyun finds himself nodding because he's so incredibly whipped.

 

“See you then, hyung.” He replies and heads off with Doyoung who is sighing loudly.

 

“I don't understand you two. You clearly like him and he  _ clearly  _ likes you–he fucking gives you those lost, wounded, impossibly pretty puppy dog eyes. Yet you're both so far in the closet.”

 

Jaehyun shrugs. Taeyong didn't want to be in a relationship and didn't want anyone to know he was gay. It was bad enough Doyoung had found out. Who was Jaehyun to pressure someone who wasn't ready to come out? Taeyong was a really good person. He was considerate, hardworking, and so selfless–Jaehyun could endure the other being scared and worried about his reputation. Taeyong had a conservative family and many people depending on him. Korea wasn't exactly known for its accepting environment for gay people or anyone who didn't fit the norm.

 

“He'll come around.” Jaehyun says.

 

“And if he doesn't, Jae? Then what?” Doyoung asks, “You be his secret boyfriend until he marries or graduates?”

 

“Don't be an ass.” But Doyoung is right. There is a possibility Taeyong will never be what Jaehyun wants him to be. Would he be willingly to accept that?  _ Possibly _ . At this point it was desperation that kept Jaehyun open for Taeyong. The other was everything Jaehyun wanted in another person and he made him feel so many incredible things but likewise he felt dread and horrifyingly bad at being the other's secret.

 

One could just  _ hope _ that maybe one day they can be together like Jaehyun wants: hand in hand publicly and no question about what kind of relationship they had.

 

Class is slow and boring. He can only really think about his  _ study date _ . Even by the time Johnny shows up to campus accompanied by his older girlfriend Yoona who happens to be working on her masters Jaehyun is solely focused on seeing Taeyong again. It's sad how most days are spent like this: pinning on any future with a guy not willing to allow them to have a future.

 

Jaehyun decides he won't meet Taeyong. He isn't feeling that masochistic to suffer two days in a row. Instead, he sends a cryptic message about how he's unable to meet with Taeyong to  _ study  _ and how apologetic he is for cancelling. He ignores the call he gets on his bus ride from the other as he makes a choice.

 

Jaehyun can suffer knowing he will never get what he wants from Taeyong or put his foot down to make the other consider him seriously.

 

Perhaps he was scared knowing Taeyong ultimately would drop him? He was worried he wouldn't choose him. He would resent him for that but not stop caring merely because Taeyong prioritized his own self preservation first. Jaehyun couldn't fault him for that considering he wasn't considers  _ out  _ either.

 

Maybe getting over Taeyong would be the best for the  _ both  _ of them.

  
  
  


Days go by and many messages are left unresponded to. Even more are left unread. There isn't anything to say at this point and Jaehyun knows he's hurting Taeyong. The best he could do was minimize that hurt by distancing themselves from each other. Jaehyun goes as far as avoiding him on campus knowing the other’s doe like eyes are a weakness for him. There is no denying the way he crumbles when Taeyong looks weak–eager to build the fragile man back up.

 

Doyoung throws him pitiful glances and Johnny comments on his moping. Jaehyun just ones both focusing on his classes.

 

He visits his family on the weekends to avoid encounters he might see Taeyong among his friend group at parties or get togethers. He avoids all the places Taeyong likes to visit. It's a paranoia really - knowing Taeyong only has to cast those beautiful brown eyes at him for him to fall to his knees before the vixen.

 

Maybe it's naive of him to think in time and space his feelings would fade. Instead, his hunger grows. Days and weeks go by yet  _ still _ the mention of Taeyong has Jaehyun's head spinning and heart pounding. Taeyong was likable and admired by many. There was no doubting his popularity among the girls and his envy with the boys. He was regularly voted most attractive by his peers despite shyly remaining humble. He was the golden boy and Jaehyun was just another person cast in his waves as collateral.

 

“This isn't healthy, dude.” Johnny finally intervenes one afternoon interrupting Jaehyun's Gossip Girl marathon. (A guilty pleasure he picked up from his overseas studies in America – also how he met Johnny, attending the same high school in a Chicago suburb.)

“ _ What _ ?” Jaehyun asks as he peers up at his roommate blocking the tv. He's fine. Besides this unhealthy obsession with Lee Taeyong, he's perfectly fine.

 

“When is the last time you went on a date?” Johnny suggests and he knows he means well but the reality is no other person could possibly compare to Taeyong. He is everything Jaehyun could ever possibly want or need. It was not even like Taeyong was a bad guy - he was merely a coward that cared too much about what the world thought of him. Something Jaehyun can hardly fault him for. “Give it a shot? One date with someone and I will be off your back. You can mope as much as you want to afterwards. You’re depressing, man.”

 

Jaehyun reluctantly agrees to meet with whoever Johnny can find that pities him enough to go on a date. He is hardly interested but there is some hope that  _ somehow _ someone can cure him of his Taeyong sickness.

 

Ultimately, it’s a bust. Yuta is both gorgeous and charming. He laughs and Jaehyun feels like if he wasn’t head over heels for Taeyong he might be warmed by that smile. Yuta is funny and prompts Jaehyun with many clever jokes. He has such oddly affectionate mannerisms that it’s startling for Jaehyun who has only had romantic contact with Taeyong for the past many months. But, he isn’t Taeyong.

 

“So, who are you thinking about?” Yuta asks with a slight tilt of his head during their coffee date. Jaehyun between studying, clubs and working at a nearby bar has little time to do much else. Coffee is always needed.

 

He has enough decency to be sheepish at being caught, embarrassed by the fact he was caught thinking about someone else. “Someone not bold enough to be out with coffee with me.”

 

Yuta hums at this and nods slowly understanding. He’s Japanese so it has easier than Jaehyun. Korea is only his temporary home, leaving behind his homophobic family for his own freedom. He is not tied down by duty and can do as he wishes. Jaehyun envies that. “Whoever it is sure is missing out. Johnny forgot to mention his friend was incredibly handsome.” Yuta flirts, taking no offense to the fact Jaehyun had been thinking about someone else during their date. Maybe it’s a mark of maturity, or a ‘ _ been there, done that _ ’ sort of situation, or perhaps Yuta just was not phased by what would hurt another’s pride. “But let me tell you one thing about closet guys - they’re not willing to be happy so you shouldn’t let them drag you down in their misery as well.” His voice is solemn but sincere, “ _ So _ , do you want a second date Mr. Jaehyun? I am willing to forgive you for not giving me your undivided attention if you accompany me to a party. I am in need of a handsome dancing partner.”

 

Jaehyun barely has enough time to register everything. He looks at Yuta and he wants to see someone who can return his feelings,  _ if _ feelings ever became a thing. It would be selfish of him, yes. But Jaehyun has been selfless so far and only gotten hurt in return. He finds himself nodding despite knowing it’s a horrible idea. 

 

He was only going to hurt someone in the end.

  
  


Days with Yuta are days he doesn’t think so much about his heart. He can forget when he is wrapped in the cologne Yuta wears or basks in the shameless flirting. Most importantly, Yuta is not ashamed of him boldly taking his hand here or there and when he is in a particularly good mood telling everyone how handsome his date was.

 

Jaehyun is just starved of any and all affection he will take it where he gets it. Johnny seems pleased but Doyoung knows better.

 

“You’re a fucking dumb ass.” He spits one afternoon after a nice date with Yuta to see a movie, “But I suppose you are  _ my  _ dumb ass so I will stick around when this gets messy. What are you going to do if Taeyong finds out assuming he doesn’t already know. You know you and Yuta are the talk of the campus right now? No one has seen something so  _ scandalous _ .”

 

“Yuta just makes me happy.” It’s easy. Light, no strings attached, and Yuta knows his heart is with someone else. He had not been dishonest or promised anything he couldn’t give right now. Wasn’t this what dating was supposed to be like?

 

“The thing if you cannot make Yuta happy. What can you offer him?” Doyoung says, “I just don’t want to see you hurt, Jae. Give yourself a break from that masochistic shit.”

 

Doyoung is right. Jaehyun has nothing to offer the other male. Not when his heart belongs to someone else. He wonders if Yuta wants or expects him to grow fond of him. Jaehyun  _ is _ fond of Yuta but he cannot be anything more than fond. The thing is he is too coward to ask Yuta either just in case this easy comfortable companionship has to come to an end. He was such a fucking prick.

 

But Yuta is not dumb. He knows. He knows he knows because Yuta treats him gently like a boy who has been wounded. He gives freely with no requests of anything being returned because Jaehyun has never had anything given to him freely. He is  _ such  _ a good guy. Jaehyun desperately wishes he met Yuta first. He does not want to see disappointment in Yuta’s eyes when one day Jaehyun has to be honest and say it will  _ always _ be Taeyong,  _ only _ Taeyong.

Jaehyun doesn’t answer his texts, messages, or calls anymore. If they see each other on campus Jaehyun is careful to turn the other way or knows Taeyong will not approach when Doyoung is glaring at him or Yuta is pressed happily to his side. He uses them both as a shield and he feels bad about it but he knows what till happen if they’re alone together. Jaehyun will just crumble at the first bat of Taeyong’s pretty lashes.

 

Giving himself a chance at happiness is harder than expected.

  
  
  


He knows he cannot avoid Taeyong forever. He can only avoid and hide behind his friends for so long. He does not know how long he can last but he thought it would be a bit longer. Instead, he does not stop to think Taeyong would just come to his apartment.

 

He does not notice him right away as he is lugging his things in and pushing forward from a long study session. He only notices the looming presence by the door to his place when he peers up from his phone screen from a text Johnny sent about going to Yoona’s that night. Taeyong is standing looking lost dressed in an oversized hoodie with his eyes casted to the ground. He looks so fragile it almost hurts as he looks up at the approaching male. His wide eyes are full of so many conflicting emotions but the most evident is  _ want _ because Jaehyun knows that look well. It’s mirrored in his own eyes.

 

“Jaehyun- I am  _ sorry _ I shouldn’t have come unannounced but I wanted to see you.” Taeyong says softly, voice gentle as it has ever been.

 

“You could have saw me at school. I am sure it’s an inconvenience for you to come all the way here just to  _ see _ me.” He is being a dick and being harsh. He knows it. But, his heart was not ready to leap back in Taeyong’s arms to be casted aside.

 

“I- _ I _ just….You’re with  _ Yuta  _ now?” The way Taeyong manages to look at him wants to make him cross the space to reassure him that  _ no _ , no one can ever replace what Taeyong is to him. He did not need to make those wounded deer eyes at him. He loved him and he always would.

 

“Why don’t you come inside?”

 

Jaehyun thinks he gets it–how some people can end up like hurricanes sweeping through any and everything around them like storms. Taeyong is the storm and Jaehyun's heart is the collateral. Even so, Jaehyun knows he can only be hopelessly lost in the other.

 

He switches on a light when he opens the door, kicking his shoes off, and setting his bag aside. He pads to the kitchen as he hears Taeyong doing the same behind him unsure of the normalcy this brings after such a question.

 

Honestly, Jaehyun isn't quite sure how he's going to respond yet as he moves to pour them both something to drink. Taeyong hovers by the door, fingers nervously tugging at his sleeves, and eyes inconsistently flickering from the floor to Jae. He's worrying his bottom lip and Jaehyun can imagine how he must  _ feel _ as if something in this universe might threaten to take Jaehyun away from him.

 

“Yuta and I are seeing each other.” Jaehyun admits since there is no pretense about that. Yuta is interested and Jaehyun is trying his hardest to burn Taeyong from his memory but he seems stuck like cement. “We're not dating though.” If they were Taeyong wouldn't be inside his home. Jaehyun isn't that much of trash.

 

Taeyong doesn't seem satisfied with his answer but looks reluctant to say so. The disapproval is evident in his eyes framed by thick lashes and shining too vividly to be real. “ _ Why _ ? He isn't your type. I just–did I do something wrong? I know I am not giving you everything you want but I  _ thought _ –…”

 

Jaehyun clicks his his tongue against the roof of  his mouth. Poor Taeyong had thought. “What are you saying?  _ You're  _ my type? Someone who can't even be honest with himself or the people around him? What did you think? That us  _ fucking  _ out of convenience meant we were together?”

 

Taeyong’s expression drops. “No.” The hurt crosses his face as his brows angle downward his eyes shaky and uncertain. “ _ Jae _ , I know you think I'm this disgusting person who only wants you around for sex but do you really believe that?” Jaehyun's accusations are meant to hurt and wrong, he knows. “If it was sex it could be anyone.”

 

Jaehyun takes a sip of his drink eyes looking up at the trembling figure in the kitchen doorway. Taeyong hasn't taken a step towards him. The poor guy. He really deserved more than some hidden coupling and spiteful attacks. “What should I believe when you have given me nothing else to think? You're  _ here _ for what? To discuss my relationship with another guy. You're not my boyfriend and you're not entitled to any of that information.”

 

Taeyong goes rigid. “ _ Jaehyun _ .” He says weaker but Jaehyun won't have it. It just hurts.

 

“You want to know what sleeping with him is like?” It is  _ so  _ cruel of him.

 

Taeyong basically jumps in his skin as he shakes his head quickly the words stuck in his throat as he looks like he is about to bolt. He's going to cry. Jaehyun can see the way his shoulders curl into himself and the male's fingers dig patterns into his own palms. His eyes gloss over and his face stiffens trying to reign in his display of emotions. “ _ I'm sorry! _ ” Taeyong finally sobs his hands covering his eyes as a small whimper escapes his lips. “I'm sorry Jaehyun. I'm  _ sorry _ . I'm just scared and I know I cannot justify this all with fear. You're important to me and I'm not using you. I don't want to be anyone you see only at night but I'm so  _ scared  _ of what people will think or say… I don't mean to hurt you so  _ please _ don't be this cold with me.  _ Please _ .”

 

Jaehyun watches the lost boy in front of him crumble. Maybe he just wants to see him hurt because Jaehyun has been hurting for so long he cannot differentiate what is  _ love _ and what is  _ pain _ . At the same time he knows Taeyong is not deserving of this and he does not want to spill his tears. Not from those gorgeous eyes.

 

Taeyong flinches as he moves forward and presses a hand to his cheek. Taeyong’s eyes flicker to his and his teeth suck his bottom lip. How  _ fucking _ fragile he seems but Taeyong curves towards him pressing his forehead against his shoulder. “Taeyong, don’t cry.” Jaehyun soothes gently.

 

But the other’s eyes have long since overflowed burying his face against him. “I don’t want to lose you.” Taeyong says hoarsely.

 

“You haven't lost me.”  _ You could never lose me _ . “I am still here, aren’t I?”  _ I will always be here _ . “Where would I go if not to you?”

 

Taeyong’s willowy arms find their way around him locking tightly. It’s enough - that small action - to make him feel wanted and needed. It soothes the hurt of rejection and dismissal almost immediately. Jaehyun’s fingers rake through the pink hair gently leaning to press a small kiss on his temple. It would  _ always _ be Taeyong.

  
  
  


Undressing Taeyong’s shivering frame is slow. No matter how many times Jaehyun has seen him exposed the other never fails to be timid. He unlaced the male’s shoes as he pushes him back against the bed tugging the tough material of jeans away from smooth thin legs. He shimmies his shirt off and his arms crossed around his body as if to hide himself. Jaehyun moves to undress himself watching the curious gaze of the other land on him not bothering to burn away as Jaehyun loses each article of clothing.

 

Taeyong is hard. Of course he is. It’s been so long since they last touched it must have built up. Jaehyun slides under the covers and presses himself against Taeyong’s front with his mouth falling on the slope of his neck.

 

They just lay there like that. It’s different than how most nights are between them but Jaehyun finds he prefers this. He can pretend it’s not just a fuck and Taeyong is something more than he is to him.

 

“Jaehyun, would you want to date?”

 

“You’re not one to keep promises, Tae.” Jaehyun says not wanting to fall into the hoping and the pinning again. It’s enough Taeyong needs and wants him in return. He would be asking too much for Taeyong to be committed to him when he cannot even be honest to himself.

 

“What if I came out? If I wasn’t ashamed? Would you want to be with me then? Would you forget guys like Yuta?” Taeyong asked quietly, weakly, uncertain. He knows he is stepping into dangerous territory.

 

_ Perhaps _ , Jaehyun is imagining it but he  _ swears _ he can feel the other’s heart beat pressed firmly against his own. If only Taeyong knew how guys like Yuta truly did not matter to him. However, for the sake of it he wants himself to feel elusive to the other. It would consume Jaehyun’s pride a little too much for Taeyong to know how tightly he is wrapped around his finger.

 

“I wouldn’t want you to do that for me but for yourself.” Jaehyun says as Taeyong presses his cheek against the crown of Jaehyun’s head.

 

“But I want  _ you _ . And you want a boyfriend and not someone who is using you living this double life.” Taeyong says softly, “I don’t want you to feel like my dirty secret.”

 

Jaehyun only sighs, “Taeyong shut up. You’re going to ruin the mood.” He murmurs back. After all, any future was for Taeyong to decide anyways. If he wanted to be with Jaeyun he could be. If he didn’t then he didn’t have to. Jaehyun was that awfully loyal pup that would stay at the hand that fed him.

 

Taeyong shuts up though. Maybe because he knows Jaehyun is not going to encourage him to do something that could potentially make him unhappy. Maybe Taeyong knows how much power he holds over the other male’s heart. He can  _ feel _ the desperate way Jaehyun holds onto him and the sheer devotion that seeps from the other’s warm brown eyes. He can feel the possessiveness in the way his fingers span around his waist, the excitement of the other eagerly pressing into him, and the desire to  _ have _ him when their lips collide.

 

And because he knows how much Jaehyun cares it is why he cannot excuse himself for hurting him so. Taeyong did not ask for these fears that seem so insurmountable and thick. A fog of expectations has fallen upon his willowy thin wrists and his hands threaten to snap back ripping past the pale translucent skin to break his last  _ real _ chance happiness. He could be happy with Jaehyun - this he is certain about.. Sure as the sun will rise and the sky is blue. Jaehyun loves him more than anything else in the world. Even  _ himself _ . It is why Taeyong cannot excuse himself even though the other male does it for him.

 

“Jaehyun,” Taeyong sounds different this time, “You know I love you right?” He pauses as if he has to think about the weight those words hold. Oh, how they crush everything resentful and angry in Jaehyun’s chest. As if he has thrown a hammer into Jaehyun’s resistance bettter than any kiss or soft timid look could. The power Taeyong holds is really so more than comprehensible words could fathom. Jaehyun is nothing but a lightweight to Taeyong’s glory.

 

_ Oh _ , the sweet burn. How those turbulent waves crash at the shores of Jaehyun’s weak, weak,  _ weak _ mind. The maddening burst of fire that erupts in his chest, the dizzying euphoria that threatens to rock him off his axis and into the unknown that is blissfully, catastrophically, and completely  _ Taeyong _ .

 

Taeyong is his life. His god. His purpose. Jaehyun’s heart is nothing but an altar to sarcafice.It is why people like Yuta will never be even a candle flame to Taeyong’s radiant and tragic supernova. It is why kissing Taeyong’s gentle pink lips is like consuming stardust and ocean water, filling these meger weak lungs with every ounce of tragedy he can muster. Love is such a wonderfully horrific thing that can make reasonable people do and be unreasonable things.

 

It is why Jaehyun is sliding down to the pits of hell knowing he would sacrifice everything to lay with Taeyong like this never daring to ask for more. How he would fucking rip his bleeding remorseful heart from his spidery ribcage and offer it to whatever demon of affection that has taken a hold of him so he may  _ fucking _ breath in the same air as the man he loves.

 

Love is hell and Taeyong happens to be his glorious devil of circumstance.


End file.
